Comment to Tom Meagher 5 August 2016

On this article:

Also screen shotted against anyone running around making undignified false accusations at some later date.

How is someone like me ever to learn how to instinctively reject abuse while being conditioned to see the same abuse as “good for me” when it is dished up but a multimillion dollar abolitionist industry?

In your own words:

“The very conception that violence is confined only to the physical element allows the abuser to differentiate himself from the ‘real abusers,’ while isolating the victim even further. For the abuser, the paradigmatic image of the perpetrator of domestic violence, is an ideal model of how he can convince his partner that he’s not really an abuser, because he doesn’t do x or y. Often the victim will be convinced that she’s imagining the abuse as a result of her abusers insistence as well as this culturally limited conversation. Abuse, at it’s core, is about control and power and is often exercised by creating a dependency on the abusive partner by:

1. Isolating her from her friends and family.
2. Extreme jealousy & constant accusations of infidelity.
3. Controlling her finances and movements.
4. Gaslighting – convincing her she’s crazy.
5. Forcing your partner to engage in any sexual contact against her will through physical coercion, guilt or mental torture (such as not allowing her to sleep/not allowing her to leave).
6. Shoving or controlling her movement or making contact with her body to limit her movement.
7. Threatening violence, or intimidating her.
8. Making her believe she will be harmed, or frightening her.
9. Emotionally manipulating her through domination, shame, degradation, ridicule, making unreasonable demands.
10. Creating an atmosphere where you exercise power and domination over her/Giving yourself a privileged position over her.

An abuser often surrounds himself with people who reaffirm his attitudes and beliefs, so it is incumbent upon us to be conscious when we are speaking with the abuser’s voice:”

3, 4, 8, 9, 10 are routinely meted out to sex workers by you and your great friends at Ruhama and Turn Off the Red light. (Are we supposed to be grateful for that? Or just “good sports” about it?). You cannot deny that, though you will, as all abusers do.

Abuse isn’t sanitised because it is practiced by the NGO sector you know. It still does just as much damage to the victim, to *US* – *YOUR* victims, because that is what sex workers are now, they are the victims of *YOUR* mental and emotional abuse.

(Nobody would even suggest the 6 month 1st offence, prison sentences for sex workers are any less than blatant persecution, you are an intelligent man you know this, but still you support it. Why?)

Whatever you have been through, sex workers have never done anything to harm you and deserve more than this abuse from you.

Sadly, there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop you abusing them this way, if there was, I would have done it long ago.