Exploiting Sex Workers and Desperation

Let me tell you about the impact this self serving, dishonest culture of “rescue” and “survivors” have had on my personal life 24/7, without my consent or anything like it.

Every aspect of the life I have really lived has been lied about publicly, and I have been abused, intimidated and left in fear of my life just for challenging that with the truth, not for a week but for 18 months when my address and phone numbers were published, and yes, I do live alone in the middle of a mountain sheep farm. Do you think that ran off me like water off a duck’s back?

I have been accused, by a complete fake, of standing yards away watching (at the last count) 7 underage girls who never existed sell sex. I have had false accusations laid against me in public and in the media, all clearly identifying me just because I denied these lies in the disgust and horror they deserved. I have some genuine, ethical and personal issues with young women selling sex that go back through harrowing decades. (A former sexworker with insight and ethics doesn’t exactly fit the narrative that draws the funding streams does it?) To see even one underage girl would have left me in clinical shock.

I now have ME/CFS to add to all the other damage they scatter over the people they often claim huge salaries on the pretext of “supporting” like confetti…do you seriously think that is just coincidence?

When you tell a simple lie you throw a pebble into water and the ripples can go on for ever, somebody bears the consequences. They misrepresent us as coarse and feral creatures in their own image to accord with their chosen narrative and trot out anyone who reinforces that image and lies on command. It may end there for them, but it doesn’t end there for us, as any resources available are tailored to coarse and feral creatures who do not exist and conditional on us accepting the role of coarse and feral creatures we are not, while pretending confidence in morally bankrupt people we have watched lie to and about us, with degrading and devastating results, over and over again.

There is no resource available that is of any use to us and to accept what is available would do us terrible damage. Did you seriously think normal mental and emotional reactions would be suspended whenever their funding and career goals are involved?

But there is more than that. I was badly damaged by my family of origin and worse again by state and civil society before I ever sold sex…that is WHY I sold sex, because I was too badly damaged to do anything else, and I needed money to live in some terms I could cope with.

Do you seriously think, when I left sex work aged 35 that more gaslighting, predation and emotional abuse from the local “rescue” org did me anything but irreparable harm? It didn’t…

What I needed most, all of my life was somewhere to turn that I genuinely could afford to trust to really be ethical and honest with me (as opposed to pretending it badly and demanding I did not notice), to restore my sense of self, not attack it some more at will. As it was all that was on offer was the opposite, and irrelevant, damaging services informed by Ruhama that compounded the existing damage until it was set in stone.
Let me tell you what that is like.

I cannot cope with developing any kind of relationships, no friends, no lovers, it is even deeply traumatic for me to cope with a GP. I cannot stand to be around people or have people around me because deep down inside I am groomed and conditioned by hard experience to react to people as a threat I can never trust. Any personal contact with “civil society” is too frightening to attempt, for reasons that were once partly irrational but have been informed by hard experience since.

How do you think the raw, wall to wall deceit of this self serving, dishonest culture of “rescue” and “survivors” since 2010 impacted on that?

Other people’s lives are not counters in their game of life. I have no idea how they even look at themselves in the mirror every morning.

I have lived decades of my life totally alone and terrified of every next step I must take because of people like them. All that is left is to try and show them up for what they are for what it is worth in terms of limiting their power to hurt anyone else this way. It is my human duty.

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