I Saw Brian Killoran Today…

…he is the CEO of Immigration Ireland and Denise Charlton’s long term minion, first as Information and Referral Service Manager in a role described as:

“responsible for the management of all aspects of the ICI’s Information and Referral Services including its telephone helpline services and web based information resources, as well as providing training sessions, public information sessions, managing specific projects and funding streams and representing the ICI on several partnerships and forums.”

He became CEO in March 2015 and probably receives a salary around at least the 80k euros pa mark. I feel confident that there s a reasonable explanation for what he was doing grocery shopping with family at least an hour away from his office at 16:15 on a Friday afternoon on that kind of salary. He had blocked me on twitter before I even knew who he was (I guess that’s “the new inclusion”?) yet he could not recognise me a few feet away (very tall lady with grey hair and a limp wearing a pale blue denim coat).

I know I made a total tit of myself once because of a freaky resemblance , so this time I checked thoroughly, the blue border on the hornrims clinched it.

I never talk about how I feel subjectively on my own behalf…I was raised denied permission to feel let alone speak in those terms. I never feel entitled to get angry until a third party is under threat or attack.

Only a couple of hours before I tried to find words to explain to a trained Counsellor how I feel about these people, and the best I could come up with is “I feel that I am looking at a cold blooded, unscrupulous killer taking aim at vulnerable people for gain”, and I feel that simply because it is true, and the fact that they will be able to hide and deny all the harm they do from most people doesn’t make it any less true, or lessen the impact on me. I cannot even afford to be aware of how I feel around these people, simply because there is no guarantee I could control it. I cannot be in the same room with them, because I am afraid that inhuman control will snap.

Let me see if I can find a way to tell you how I feel subjectively.This man conspired with others to:

  • fund and encourage a fraud to insult and make a mockery of my life.
  •  gaslight me and make appalling false accusations of things I would die rather than do and have come close to proving.
  • present the same people, organisations and institutions who destroyed so much of me and my life as “saviours”.
  • promote the same organisation, Ruhama, that destroyed every last chance I had of being able to trust people with who I am as something to be trusted.

I have had a front row seat for this issue and the NGOs that feed on it since he was a child and I know far more of the truth behind the lies than he does. Those lies are so blatant and far fetched that there is no room for the slightest element of doubt. I cannot afford to get in touch with how I feel enough to recover to some kind of normality as long as I might have to encounter those responsible in some form, as a trigger.

I feel Brian Killoran would want to make sure he gives the tall lady with grey hair a VERY wide birth…because the tall lady with grey hair has the same feelings and emotions as anyone else, however deeply she has had to bury them just to be able to function and survive.

What do you think would happen if I ever really got in touch with any of my feelings over all of this?