To my enemy’s enemy:
You can be my friend if you insist, but I will never be yours
What this is all about,
Main Menu “Common Myths About Sex Work“
Let me tell you about scared. Your heart is beating so hard I can feel it through your hands. There’s so much blood and oxygen pumping through your brain it’s like rocket fuel. Right now you could run faster and you can fight harder. You can jump higher than ever in your life and you are so alert it’s like you can slow down time.
What’s wrong with scared? Scared is a superpower! Your superpower! There is danger in this room. And guess what? It’s you.
Adding a little to this page as I find myself heading towards a situation that if I were younger, or less ill would be best survived by selling sex.
After all I experienced through this issue and it’s aftermath I have desperately search for something, ANYTHING to trust in vain. The self serving corruption and ruthless cruelty I have seen in civil society and the politicians it feeds made it very easy to believe in the atrocities in Syria. After all we are all the same species, and too many people I encountered are limited only by what they are sure they can get away with. There is certainly nowhere to turn for any kind of help, and all the people who would say “but you only FEEL that” turn out to have nothing to offer at all that isn’t strictly conditional on playing along with any number of self serving agenda and outright lies, and even then what they offer if of no real use, at all.
At least I know for sure that I wasn’t mistaken about the factors that drove me to sell sex in the first place.
I am so frightened I dread waking up in the morning and stay asleep as long as I can, and I realise I have been fighting against being that frightened for decades. But at least I am 60, if it hasn’t been a life in any real sense at least there has been plenty of it. What about younger people, caught in similar traps, surrounded by similar stonewalls, what is supposed to happen to them?
I don’t like sex work, but it’s a lot better than being stuck in this kind of rattrap with no way out at all.
…and I am the one who was innocent enough to chase around for years trying to get some real help…but because I wanted help with the real problems that cornered me into sex work, not some fictional “agenda du jour” I couldn’t fit into there was nothing.
Personally, subjectively, I hate all those who make a living out of preying on the disadvantage of others this way, more deeply than you would believe possible.
Objectively I have finally given up on humanity.
I just woke up to the fact that I am currently standing in the middle of a ring of tigers pulling tails as hard as I can. As a result, the worse could come to the worst any day, or not…
If it ever does I want you to know that my mind is titanium when I need it to be and my last thought on earth will be an absolute conviction that my little sisters have a plate of kileshe waiting for me and are popping the cardamom in my tea so I must not delay and be late.
However, the following are clues as to which tiger might have run out of patience first (in strictly chronological order):
I apologise for the “ranting” quality in some of them…but do you have any idea how scared I am when I write them?
But I keep writing them anyway.