I am still struggling to compose myself after the day abolitionists thought the best mode of attack was to quote me as extensively as possible:
There were LOADS more, but I didn’t save them all in case I got delusions of deity!
(Being God is WELL NEAT BTW)
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any creepier:
Now this is WELL MENTAL…you are NOT imagining anything.
“…but how can you, a white woman, consider yourself representative of prostitutes. Consider your privilege” coming from a account that chooses, by avatar and Irish name, to self identify as white.
My allergy to morons kicked in and I went off to do some tricky, essential, DIY (that I have to do for myself because I am too white and privileged to be able to afford to have it done properly, not because I like it or am any good at it) and came back to find plenty of people UP IN ARMS.
I was a bit focused on the DIY last night, but come morning, that stupid, ignorant statement is the gift that goes on giving.
Are we suggesting that all vulnerable survival sex workers are non-white? Because someone I know since we were kids was a sex worker for many years, but only as an escort – and she was as black as the ace of spades and proud of it (and would never speak to me again if I pureed her truth with political correctness!). I was a street worker out of utter desperation (and yes I really do have a cut glass accent too).
Or are we suggesting that because all vulnerable sex workers are non-white and both sex workers and non-whites are incapable of autonomy, they need white non-sex workers to define them and do their thinking for them?
Apparently all this invaluable information was derived from reading the accounts of professional “survivors of prostitution”. Thing is, I am SURE there are one or two, but I cannot, for the life of me, think of one professional “survivor of prostitution” who is non-white…
So where is this cr*p coming from, IMAGINATION perhaps? Are we demanding laws based on our paranoid delusions these days?
Did we fall asleep halfway through “12 Years a Slave” and get the wrong end of the stick on account of all the anti-trafficking agenda the publicity piggy-backed on?
Let’s get something VERY clear. I fight the Nordic Model so hard BECAUSE I was a survival sex worker out of desperation and, as a result, I know that the Nordic Model represents anything between severe mental, emotional and material abuse to manslaughter of people like me.
The fact that I was utterly desperate did not reduce my IQ by a single point. There is no way I would ever have sold sex if just one clueless, self serving control freak would have solved my problems and let me survive never mind a whole rescue industry of them.
There are two aspects to the above:
- Not everybody has the self control and acting skills to play along with lies and emotional abuse at all let alone without sustaining huge and lasting damage, even with their survival at stake. You may have no way of being sure that the “available services” are all about exploitation, lies and emotional abuse, but I do, and my perception is the one that impacts on my limits. I find it impossible to place my life at the mercy of ruthless and exploitative adversaries.
- The “rescue industry” and affiliates have little, if anything of real use or relevance to offer. If they have any funding left over from propaganda, salaries, expenses and self congratulatory junkets their “services” are lead by the bullshit they craft to get their own way and sustain their funding and influence. End result? Such services as they offer are only relevant to propaganda constructs that do not exist in the real world. There is absolutely nothing applicable to the needs of the women who really are desperate to get out of sex work. Trust me, I spent 20 years looking for the help I needed to get me past the issues that cornered me into selling sex and have a real life and drew a blank, until I was too old and it was too late anyway (and in case you haven’t noticed, once I get the bit between my teeth I do not give up easily).
Any woman who has been forced to sell sex, as I was, deserves compensation, we more than deserve it, but we deserve compensation from the people who forced us into that position and left us there, hung out to dry with no way back, not from the clients who had no idea of the predicament we were in and pre-paid ample compensation besides.
We deserve compensation from the people with a duty of care who left us in impossible situations with no honest choice but sell sex:
What happens to men in similar circumstances? Take a wild guess.
Hint: The fact that there are so many more men in prison or in the ground by their own hands than women is not just a “boys will be boys” situation.
Leaving aside anyone who makes a constructive choice to sell sex based on their options, abilities and limits, if you do not want to sell sex it takes the same kind of real, hardcore desperation that would otherwise drive you to steal, or suicide.
When I first started selling sex fulltime, there was a man who believed he loved me who thought I should do as he did and live by petty crime that hurt no-one instead.
(He was a victim of Artane Industrial School, a boy with, quite literally, the face of an angel, you can guess the rest – life over before it began. Whatever money he made, a huge chunk had to go on punitive damages for an incident that resulted from PTSD, and with his record there was no chance of getting a job that would pay him enough to live. That is my take on his situation. His take was that compensating his victim was a sacred obligation to them and the person he strove to become. He was still in an impossible situation where there was no legal way he could earn enough to survive, however just he believed that to be.)
I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t handle the stress, and I could not square it with my conscience and self esteem. As far as I can tell he thought that was me holding him, and his love, and the best of anything he could offer me in contempt .
It wasn’t. Here is some of that story, if you are interested. (written in 2000 when it was fresher in my mind).
Compensation is what we pay to equal adults human beings, unconditionally to use autonomously to undo, as best they can, the harm that we have done to them.
“Rescue” is what we do for dogs in the pound who are not even human beings and is a poor excuse to avoid the above, conditional on infantilisation and total submission to whatever we decide on their behalf.
As a sex worker, if I stopped working and earning money, most of the time I was only a couple of weeks away from destitution and suicide. That did not stop me “working smart” and having the first mobile phone in the Irish sex industry. It did not stop me paying more to live in a house I could relax and be at peace in. If I had to stop earning, those things would not drop off a cliff faster or more irrevocably than the cheapest basics I could not tolerate in the meanwhile…so why torture myself that way?
I worked the streets because:
- Client expectations were far less and easier for me to cope with.
- Engaging with a client was sudden and spontaneous with no time to develop the interactive anxieties that plague me.
- I cannot cope with the various social and interactive dynamics involved in different types of indoor sex work. If I could have I would never have been left with no choice but sell sex.
There are plenty of survival sex workers, just as desperate as I was who can only work indoors for different reasons of equal weight.
You really don’t have to destroy us at all . Much less to shut up a few corrupt and useless NGOs and the token paid “survivors” they trot out on command.
I am also autistic…never mind “not white”, I do not even qualify as human on a deep visceral level.
So don’t EVER tell me I do not know about desperation because I am white.