Myth: Sex Worker of the Year

I have just learned that the person who features in this piece also, after promising to raise hell about it, all but buried this since May:

Sworn Evidence Concealed By Justice Committee Stormont

Anyone on earth has a perfect right to hate my guts and act accordingly. Anyone on earth has a perfect right to see me as a threat to their ambitions and knife me in the back, however repeatedly. However to help bury evidence of that caliber that might at least be enough to stall clause 6 for a while is utterly unforgivable, however badly a person wants to be important and famous.

XXXXX (Twitter DM 14 October 2014):

Take your passive aggressive bullying and piss off. I’m tired of your bullying and manipulation.

First contact since I wrote Ciao and sent this (for personal closure):

From: Gaye D [mailto:mechanima@gmail.com]

Sent: Saturday, July 19, 2014 4:10 PM

To: XXXXX

Subject: Something I need to clear up…

 

In – , quite loudly, in front of (two academic researchers – names redacted) you informed me:

“I bet you don’t remember Sergeant (Name redacted) and myself scraping you of the bonnet of your car one night” and you said it with a really strange, almost triumphal, manner as though you were daring me to contradict you and make something of it.

I let it go with a remark like “I should hope I wouldn’t have been sober enough to remember if anything like that happened” and changed the subject…

…but the truth is, what you you said was not only something terribly insulting and degrading that did not happen, said in front of third parties, it was something that *COULD* not have happened. Let me tell you how I can be so sure.

  •  I was almost teetotal except for the odd whiskey slung into coffee until 2002
  • The last time I drove over the limit was 1989, it was the same night a blonde woman from the pepper canister was attacked. I was stopped going the wrong way on Adelaide Road and because of the attack the Guards in the van let me off parked my car, and put me in a taxi, but refused to tell me where I was so I had to trudge around to find my car next day.
  • After the drink driving clampdown from Christmas 1989 I never drank AT ALL when I came into town. I still live in the same house, miles from even limited public transport. Just to sleep over in town away from my own bed was an ordeal I would dread, and a taxi fares out here would have been £50 or more. Keeping my licence was literally a matter of life and death. I also happen to be one of those people who literally *never* thinks they will “get away with it” and takes chances.

Ever since you said that in front of my face I have been of the firm conviction that we will all live far happier lives as long as I never find out what you have also said behind my back.

Throughout my life I have put of effort into maintaining certain standards that I hold to be right an respectful of self and others. I cannot stop people hating my guts, but I would prefer they were left to do so in terms of that reality.

I have never received apology or explanation for the above.

I have always been aware of the exceptional amount of malicious lies being passed behind my back to discredit me for personal  agenda unrelated to the best interests of sex  workers. I have also always been aware of the identity of most of the participants. Sadly, however keenly aware one may be of something like that, one would have to be far more social than I am capable of to deflect it in any way. As a result I have been systematically sidelined out of doing many of the things I could have done well in this issue. They are all things that would have made a difference, but I have no idea at all whether those things would have made *ENOUGH* difference. I made a lot of mistakes too.

I genuinely do not think there is one single thing left that I can do, and barring a miracle the Nordic Model will pass, and destroy lives in Ireland, while all alluded to above sit up on the pigs back oiling their egos, and congratulating themselves either way, while projecting every possible blame on to me.

It is ever the way of the world.

“I am sorry Rose, I should have built you a better ship”

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Myth: Sex Worker of the Year

  1. Sorry to hear of the crap you’ve had to put up with. Don’t know all of the details of your case, but you might be interested in a possibly similar one, the recent acrimonious discussion in the Woody Allen/Dylan Farrow case. Seems many people have a tendency to think that their memories are infallible, and that they are incredibly suggestible – that they readily take suggestions by other people, or even their own hypotheses, as gospel truth. Link is to an eSkeptic article; interesting and probably relevant conclusion:

    What we should not do, as my coauthor Elliot Aronson has said, is “sacrifice our skepticism on the altar of outrage.” Outrage is good when it leads to constructive, mindful efforts to promote justice—for innocent children and for innocent adults. But outrage without skepticism and science is a recipe for hysteria and witch hunts.

    And of some relevance to the “moral panic” that seems to attend or motivate many of those promoting the “Nordic (Pickton) model”.

    BTW, in passing, a quibble: you might want to consider adding a date to your posts, for historical reasons if nothing else. 🙂

    • You are right…I was thinking about the date thing myself…once it didn’t matter, now it might.
      As for the rest, behavior like that is usually a conscious, or unconscious conditioning technique used to, much in the way a little dog might wee up the leg of a sofa, to stake a claim upon you perception and test your submission to mental domination, to all intents and purposes seeing how much bullshit you can be forced/intimidated/conned into swallowing.
      Very nasty, unscrupulous stuff either way, but what people always seem to miss about me is that my perception of manipulation is very literal and remarkably accurate…so instead of being manipulated I see the game for what it is…
      What I NEVER know is what ON EARTH I am supposed to do about that. I may be able to see that someone is manipulating me and the technique they are using, but without even enough idea of the goal they have in mind to humour them for peace and quiet…and no idea what my *blind* reaction should have been at all…VERY stressful.
      Usually I just walk away and forget the person exists. Not being able to do that because of the demands of the issue has taken a terrible toll on me. Never mind, it won’t any more. :o)

  2. “Stressful” – quite true, and very time consuming. And I assume your “won’t anymore” is a reference or allusion to the fact that the “nordic model” is close to being a “fait accompli” in both Ireland and Canada (hadn’t realized that was the case in the former – you have a link to a synopsis, overview [tks]?). Although I note that the Canadian Senate has scheduled several other meetings next week which might be on C36.

    In other news that might be of some interest and value, I’ve more or less identified myself as one of those “men who have spoken out for sex worker rights” on Maggie McNeill’s blog. Maybe part of my motivation for that is to grab a few moments where I get to be famous (or infamous as the case may be), but I also think, maybe as a bit of rationalization, that the very problematic stigma associated with the profession – and with those in it and with those who purchase the services – won’t really be attenuated until more of the latter find their voices – and courage.

    • Ireland is a weird incestuous little place, not least because it is under two jurisdictions.

      The North is the imminent risk to go to vote next week:
      http://www.niassembly.gov.uk/Assembly-Business/Official-Report/Committee-Minutes-of-Evidence/Session-2013-2014/March-2014/Human-Trafficking-and-Exploitation-Further-Provisions-and-Support-for-Victims-Bill–Lord-Morrow-and-Dr-Dan-Boucher/
      http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/regional/dup-launch-web-site-on-human-trafficking-bill-1-6327235
      http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/debateni/blogs/fionola-meredith/woefully-flawed-human-trafficking-bill-will-result-in-more-victims-30633199.html
      Because of the geographical nature of the island it is extremely unlikely the two sides of the border will vote in different ways. The current Justice Minister in south is an NGO creature to the bone and though she has stalled, she will not stall for ever…unless new legislation, without Nordic Model is brought in in *THIS* Dail term the opposition will get in and bring in Nordic Model within 2 years.
      Here is the Irish abolitionist campaign:
      http://www.turnofftheredlight.ie/
      The main Escort Advertiser in Ireland (explained in more detail https://mymythbuster.wordpress.com/myth-i-supportoppose-escort-ireland/ ) has spent years determinedly dominating and monopolizing the opposition to “Turn Off the Red Light” at first they were sincere, I believe that, but now they are relocating in Spain and seem to be determined to sabotage opposition by rendering every opportunity to oppose Turn Off the Red Light as “fruit of the poisoned tree”. SWAI Ireland are an alternative paradigm NGO that will vanish without a trace without a Nordic model to oppose…you can guess the rest…
      All these delightful pools of integrity have put more energy into silencing and sideling me and all the ability and expertise I bring to the table than into opposing Nordic Model.
      I have done my best anyway, hampered by having to effectively fight both sides.
      I won’t have to play along with the person referred to here any longer simply because they went so too far this time and are of no further use to any sincere agenda whatever happens.
      Both side block me from the media for (probably justified) fear that I will gain control of the ball and not give it back and none of them can control me.
      They are all doing anything they do to meet their own needs and feather their own nests…and are thus easy to rein in at will.
      I am just doing all I can to ensure that as many women in equivalent positions to me as possible get to survive and even have a life.
      That doesn’t suit either side…barring something as drastic as setting fire to myself in front of the Dail, for which, to my shame, I just do not have the guts (god knows it is not a will to live after the wall to wall corruption and abuse I have seen here), there is literally nothing more I can do.
      I am not blowing my own trumpet, but on a good day I am better at this stuff than anyone, and in a live public debate I could really strike a blow against them. It’s just a talent I have…and maybe, just MAYBE that would be enough to tip the balance of public opinion…but nobody will ever let me have the floor to try…it wouldn’t suit their agenda AT ALL.

      • Wow. Thanks for the info – can’t say that I’ve read, much less understood, all of the links but sure looks like a dog’s breakfast of conflicting motivations & perceptions: canons to the left of us, canons to the right. Interesting summary from the Belfast Telegraph that is probably applicable to C36:

        There is a heavy reliance on anecdotes, crass generalisations, second-hand opinion and the selective use of data.

        On a somewhat related front, I ran across a paper by the UK “Home Office” titled “Paying the Price: a consultation paper on prostitution” which I think illustrates the same range of issues & concerns. But I I was struck by two things in particular: one was the rather voluminous research & analysis done in an effort to get a handle on the problem – not just in Ireland & Canada, but worldwide – and to develop fair and equitable solutions; and the other was the estimate of the number of sexworkers in both the UK & Germany: 80,000 in the former and 200,000 in the latter. As a columnist over at “Reason Digital” put it (in the first case), that’s “more workers than in the entire UK mining and quarrying industry put together”. Which probably represents a not inconsiderable portion of the GNP, and an understandable target for the more “unsavoury” elements.
        All of which probably emphasizes the intractable aspects, and the difficulties in getting the right solution. Sure don’t know what the answer is myself, but I kind of get the impression that both problem and solution will depend rather crucially on confronting the nature of sexuality itself – which many seem rather studiously unwilling to do.
        In any case, time for me to call it a day; gn.

  3. What complicates Ireland is the tiny, incestuous and personal nature of it all. I am acquainted with a lot of people involved and influential at various stages and, of course, they know me…sometimes as a disabled rights activist, a few as a sex worker rights activist, and a few more just as good ole *me*. This is where being a near total recluse who loses touch with EVERYONE helps me stay objective and out of jail. :o)

    In the south of Ireland the only connection between sex work legislation and sexuality is the extent to which it has become entangled with gay rights (street work was, very despicably, criminalized on foot of the bill that legalized homosexuality in 1993 so that the liberals could not vote against it) and, in a bizarre way, the power of gay rights activists is now conditional upon pushing for the Nordic Model. It is all about power and money. In the North Unionist Politician go beyond a joke in every sense, particularly fundamentalism…but…give the surface a GOOD DEEP SCRATCH and you will find networks of multimillion pound fundamentalist orgs literally trading social issue on the open markets (see https://allia.org.uk/what-we-do/retail-charity-bonds/ their director Ram Gidoomal CBE does a LOT of “that sort of thing” and has made millions).

    The Nordic Model is like a marriage of convenience, never, EVER about faith, love or sex.

    The most accurate estimate of sex workers in Southern Ireland was in the late 90s when I still knew and remembered enough to spend an evening adding up the numbers of street workers and massage parlour workers known to me. I came up with 1,500 – 1,700 (no idea of the North, but at that time anyone who wanted sex rather than a few hands of “The Crying Game” still came south). Next thing you know Ruhama and their (much worse) state owned HSE sister the Women’s Health Project were touting the figure around as their own. Fast forward to 2012 and the number of sex workers in Ireland has “dramatically increased” to 900…I suspect to minimize public concern about the negative impact, but I strongly suspect that the accurate most figures for sex workers world wide are arrived at much as I arrived at mine; common sense, memory and greatest probability.

    In interesting enough the Women’s Health project began part funded by a project called Europap run by Rud Mak out of Strasbourg that was, ostensibly a sex work related sexual health project but was, in real terms, aimed at tracking the numbers of sex workers in Europe along with a sister project TAMPEP (still in existence) that aimed to track the movements of migrant sex workers, primarily from Eastern Europe. Ireland never qualified for membership of TAMPEP.

    So, in this tiny sealed pot of a country, sex work legislation that has all the attributes of a very abusive and dysfunctional family squabble on the ground, will have similar impact to legislation in England, France or even Canada in the International Arena.

    …and the only people allowed to play are the self interested ones who, regardless of their stated aims, can be at least covertly diverted towards the dominant political paradigm at will.

    Nasty mess indeed, and not a very nice kind of ointment to be a fly in for a couple of years I can tell you.

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