Sex Work and Disability

As posted here. The Irish Independent doesn’t usually let my comments through since I pointed out that I would not be accepting Escort Ireland (or SWAI) as my personal saviours any time soon…but this was let through for a while then the comments were suddenly closed completely. Everybody loves propaganda, nobody wants the facts. :

‘We bring happiness into their lives’ – Meet the sex workers providing services for clients with disabilities

I take the point about money, it’s a tricky one.

I never liked the Dutch scheme as an answer to that either, because it carries such a strong message of “Because you have X the state recognises you will never be able to form normal mental and emotional relationships to the extent of being willing to buy sex for you” and I don’t think that is a good message to be sending people.

My very first client was very physically disabled. He was also rude, ignorant and obnoxious (not because he was my first, I came across him again years later with. lots for comparison and my first impression held). He also paid incredibly well, because he could afford to, because he had a prestigious full time job (I was in his well appointed house) and had no need to pay for sex because he was married.

I don’t mention this because he was typical, he wasn’t. “Whore lore” says that disabled clients are the only ones with enough manners to be counted upon to call and inform you of delays and cancellations to appointments.

I mention it rather to bust some stereotypes, the way reality does.

The guy (a personal friend) who earnestly explained  the Dutch scheme to me was a former rising football star who had the ground whipped out from under him by MS in his late teens. Fortunately his IQ was nearly as fast as his feet and he also had a prestigious job, as well as, ironically, remaining hotter than Hades and in no difficulty “pulling”.

I am disabled myself. I am Autistic, I have compound post traumatic stress disorder, a gifted range IQ (which without the right support becomes a secondary disability) if I could not have sold sex for six years I can see no way I could have survived (long story, but I checked properly, incidentally the CPTSD was already firmly in place before I ever sold sex). I could tolerate selling sex as a freelance, even though I hated it. I could not tolerate working in a supermarket or an office, and would not be welcome to do so either, because people are as uncomfortable with me as i am with them beyond the most superficial.

The raw truth is that I was unlikely to ever be able to develop a healthy relationship in which to make best use of my sexuality anyway. Staying alive, having a suitable home, being independent, learning to drive and having a car (which enabled me in more ways than you could imagine), feeling financially safe and keeping my integrity intact  was an excellent second best choice that I defy anyone to argue with.

Most of the disabled men I know who cannot afford 200 euros for a sex worker feel that level of financial constraint is quite bad enough without anyone pitying them too. If I wasn’t a sex worker with a relatively high income I would never have been able to drive and overcome so many limits.

Financially, life is not fair and most grown up people, disabled or not, can work with that.